Meeting my friend for Lunch by Risa Sheppard

It was a sunny March Saturday. I was meeting my long time friend and client, Katherine for lunch. I stood outside the restaurant and my head was spinning.  I was seeing stars, and having difficulty standing up. Not being one to complain, I made it through part of lunch and then excused myself explaining, “I need to go home as I think I have food poisoning.” (The fact that I had these symptoms before lunch should have been a clue!)

As I drove down the Ventura Freeway, I grabbed a bag and started vomiting.  Enough was enough.  I had been having feelings of dizziness and “head pounding” for a couple of months.  Thinking it was stress, or the flu, I refused to give it any power.  I had been to my ENT doctor with complaints of losing hearing in my right ear a few months earlier.   “Oh, you just don’t want to listen to your husband,” he said.  I went to my internist.  “It’s all in your head. Your mother complained of the same thing,” he added.

The intense dizziness did not get better, only worse.  I could barely stand up without the entire room spinning.

I went back to the ENT doctor.  

 “I’ll send you to a dizziness clinic he said.”   “No,” I answered. “I want a picture.”  I now knew something was wrong. Enough time had passed, at least three months.   I wanted answers.  I couldn’t go on like this any more.  I was throwing up almost daily.  My fatigue was unbearable and constant.

Reluctantly the doctor gave his consent for the X-ray,  and sent me for an MRI that afternoon.

 The following morning,  the doctor  called.  “Risa, you have a benign tumor in your right ear.  It’s called an Acoustic Neuroma – a growth within your right inner ear that has grown into your head and is pressing against your brain.  You have to have it taken out or it will be fatal.”

I actually felt better. An answer! We can fix it! Yeah! I wasn’t crazy!

An acoustic neuroma is a noncancerous growth that develops on the eighth cranial nerve. That is the nerve that connects the inner ear with the brain and has two different parts. One part is involved in transmitting sound; the other helps send balance information from the inner ear to the brain.

Although they do not actually invade the brain, they can push on it as they grow—and mine was growing.

Also, large tumors can press on nearby cranial nerves that control facial expression. There have been instances where this has occurred and patients were left with drooped facial sides.

If tumors grow large enough to press on the brain stem or cerebellum, they can be deadly.

Acoustic neuromas are fairly common, but more easily treated when caught in an early stage. Mine was not. A mere 50 years ago, there was just a 1% chance for survival.  Today, that is not the case.

 Since the acoustic neuroma I had was large (it grew slowly over a long period—as most do) the prognosis was recovery, with loss of hearing in my right ear and loss of the balance nerve.

 I went to the House Ear Clinic in Los Angeles for consultation, and then entered St. Vincent’s Hospital for the surgery. I was told I would be up and about in five days.

It turned out to be more serious than that. Following surgery the area involved would not drain. The doctor was called in at 2 AM.  He thought he was going to lose me.  A second operation was necessary to place a drain from the area to my stomach.  It was touch and go for several days.  I was placed in an intensive care unit for 2 weeks.

 My five-day hospital stay lasted for three and a half weeks!

After my   initial surgery, I did not awake because the area of the surgery was not draining. I had to have a second surgery to put in a shunt  .Although the shunt  did its work, it cannot be removed. So I have this “piping” from my ear to my stomach for life.

On the morning after the initial surgery my husband and my father were with the surgeon as he explained the procedure of the drain. He said, “I know you are concerned, as am I. If we don’t put the drain in she may die.”

I was still unconscious and did not know what was happening.

The operation took about four hours, and was successful, although I still did not awake for about another day or two.

During this time  I am told I had a tremendous headache and kept screaming, “I want to cut my head off!”

The headache gradually subsided.

After ICU I went into a private room.

While in the private room, they started me walking. They had a belt around my waste to help hold me up. I was dizzy at first, however as days went by became more stable.

I was then placed in a room where patients were getting ready to go home, no need of constant supervision. I remember waking up one night and seeing my father sleeping on the floor next to me! He slept on the floor each night to make sure I had somebody I knew there in the mornings when I awoke

I was discharged week later .

I do not remember a moment of they had to put a belt on me to walk me down the hall, holding the that time in ICU  My head was bandaged and belt so I could walk straight. 

I do remember looking up at a friend of mine   and exclaiming,  “Look what I’ve become!” I have to be helped to walk.” 

Luckily the cranial nerve that controls facial expression was spared. I was prepared for my face to be paralyzed. Instead, my right side of my face is numb which is little to complain about considering what it could have been.

I have had to have follow-up MRIs to insure a neuroma does not grow on the other side.  A patient during my stay had that problem, and now is totally deaf.

Conversely, if caught early, an acoustic neuroma can be removed without loss of hearing.  If only years before, when I complained of hearing loss, they had found the tumor,  a lot of pain and suffering would have been spared. 

There was no family history of acoustic neuromas. In fact, doctors have no idea why these develop or who can get them.  Just the luck of the draw I guess.

RISA BACKGROUND

I was born and raised in Los Angeles to a father who was an editor at the Los Angeles Examiner and a “Donna Reed” mom who was over protective and nurturing.  Catching the acting bug at a young age, I attended Hollywood High and then UCLA , graduating in Theatre Arts.  I always loved movement.  At UCLA I taught creative dramatics to autistic children and figured I could always be a therapeutic movement teacher if acting did not work out. It was a few years later (mid 1970s) that  I was “divinely” guided to a little known movement teacher named Ron Fletcher in Beverly Hills.  His studio was called the Ron Fletcher School of Body Contrology.  It was situated on Rodeo and Wilshire above the Aida Grey cosmetic salon. Ron had recently come from New York where he studied with Joe Pilates and Martha Graham.  After Joe died, Clara Pilates gave Ron her blessings to take the work of her late husband “out west”. I fell in love with the work.  I loved the joy of movement Ron brought to the work, and the feeling of “being a dancer without being a dancer.”  It answered my longing to use my body correctly  while helping others.  I soon decided “contrology” was the way for me.

I taught for the studio for five years before embarking on my own. I took the work of the machine to the floor, along with Ron Fletcher floor work and Joe Pilates mat, and began to teach at individual  clients homes. No one had ever heard of Pilates.  It was a foreign name.   I worked  individually, learning what I could from Ron, Jack La Lanne, Dance Masters  and several physical therapists I knew . From that conglomerate of learning, I created THE SHEPPARD METHOD.  I named it , “classic Pilates with a personal touch.”

My dream was to have my own studio; however  being a woman on her own, finances always kept me from” taking the plunge”.  When Pilates started  to get popular” a physical therapist /chiropractor named Fred Lerner at the Beverly Hills Orthopedic  Back Institute hired me to teach his therapists this brand new way to exercise.  They were reluctant at first. They (the therapists) were not happy that a “non therapist” was showing them another way to exercise.  We eyed ourselves with a discerning attitude.  But soon, as I transferred my home clients and started to see them at the orthopedic studio, we all started to learn from each other and are friends and colleagues to this day.

When the physical therapy office closed, I had one month to find somewhere to see my clients. Now was the time.  I remember saying, “If not now, when?”  So, with both feet I jumped in and opened my studio in November of 2003. 

BACK TO HOSPITAL

 It was June of 2006.  I had expected a busy summer.  A friend’s wedding was coming up, along with another Sheppard Method certification in August and a lot of clients depended on me. I had no time for surgery! But, as the saying goes, life happens when your busy making other plans.  So I “took care of business” and scheduled the operation.

I do not remember hardly anything of the surgery or after the surgery.  I do remember saying to myself, “Everyday in everyway I’m getting better and better.”

Being in metaphysics, as well as  Pilates for most of my life, I was aware of the role the mind plays in all forms of healing.  I was resolute in staying positive and life affirming,  My main goal was to get on with life! Not let this “interruption” dissuade me or hold me back.  I was determined, and still am.  That is my nature. 

My husband tells of stretching my limbs while I was still unconscious in ICU. He knew how important it was for me to stretch since my body was used to it for so long.  He performed simple Pilates moves such as stretching hamstrings and keeping my back stretched. He relaxed my neck and shoulders.  He had me breathe!

I don’t remember my staff seeing me in the hospital, but I am certain they were there. I do remember my assistant at the time visiting me daily with a game of scrabble to help my “brain synapses.” This was frustrating, but I’m sure very helpful at the time.  I kept saying, “Why are we doing this?”  And she would say, “Because it’s good for you”. 

Once at home I was seen by a physical therapist and an occupational therapist who came  to the house.   I still had to learn to walk and talk and these therapists helped me engage in everyday activities such as walking down the street with balance, and performing simple household chores.  But, it was my dear friend and 25-year Pilates teacher Anne Grimaldo who I am so thankful for coming to my home twice a week and performing Pilates moves with me.  She had me doing the 100s, stretched my lower back, had me do modified roll ups and simple leg lifts.  I remember looking up at her one day and saying, “Gosh, we’re great!”Those simple moves of Pilates and the care in which Anne instructed, helped feel physolcogically and physically like there was a light at the end of tunnel.  I learned then the difference of having a good teacher vs. a great teacher.  A good teacher shows up and does the work.  There are a lot of “good”  therapists, or teachers, but they  have their  eye on the clock and little empathy or understanding of what is really going on with the client.  I was used to being strong, in control of my body.  Now I was at the mercy of time and letting the days dictate how much I could do. 

Anne, and my other teachers, knew and understood where I was.  They had seen me healthy and strong for many years.  Now they had to be aware that I can be that strong again, but it would take discipline and gentleness to see me through.  But see me through they did.  I was off work for almost six months.  I would say it took me a good two years to fully regain my strength.

But, I do Pilates. I teach Pilates, and I love Pilates.  It keeps me going. It keeps me in shape, but most importantly, it allows me to love each person with all his or her little idiosyncrasies. We are all trying our best, and as a teacher we must respect where each person is and start from there.

I missed work, missed the studio, and missed my clients and teachers.  I had been home for close to three months now.  Unable to even stand in the shower when I first arrived home (my husband had to hold me up under the water), I was now able to wash myself, stay up past 6 pm, and performed   everyday tasks with greater ease.  But it was slow.

I remember lying in bed and thinking, “I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.  No I am not; I just need to get back to work.”  That’s when I decided to return to work. a long term client of mine, one day said, “I miss you and Pilates. don’t care what you do, just sit there and tell me what to do.”  So, I did.  I sat there, told her to “use the blue spring, take off the red spring” and watched as she performed the leg and foot  work and other work.  I was back.  But it still took a while.  I gradually started back on the reformer, using maybe one spring to two.  I worked for five minutes, then ten.  Soon I  got it up to a half hour.  I would start with just the leg and footwork on the reformer, then graduate to modified abdmonials . I remember how good the short spine felt to me.  I can’t quite remember exactly how it all came back, it is a bit like riding a bike.  All I know is that whenever I was able to perform a new Pilates move, it felt as though I was given a million dollars. All  my teachers assisted me. They were caring and careful.  They took turns stretching my stiff body out gradually and  with caution.  I remember seeing the look of love and “we’re so glad your back” in their eyes.

I will always commend them and be grateful  for taking care of the studio and our clients  so well.  And  being so  supportive of my recovery.
The test came when I started to teach . I started with one client a day.  When I decided to do two (I was used to teaching up to ten in  a day) I was scared but willing.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it through the whole session.  I had to stop. I couldn’t continue.  I started to cry.  Irv, my wonderful client, couldn’t have been more understanding and caring. 

Today, almost seven years later, life is good and getting better.  My studio is going strong; I am back doing the teacher training, workshops, and … working out up to ten clients in a day! My full strength is back.  I may not hear out of my right ear, and I may not have a balance nerve so I can’t do cirque de solei,(spelling?), but I am still running my business, doing my teacher training, and helping others to overcome life’s unexpected and expected challenges. 

A positive event happened last year.  I was led to a young woman who suffered an IVM stroke at age 26. My ordeal was like a tooth ache compared to hers.  She was in the hospital for 1 ½ years!  I read about her, and decided Pilates was the best thing for her recovery as it was for me. We had a lot in common since we both had “brain trauma” So, I contacted her and we began working together, and now I see her  2 times a week. It’s been almost a year now. I feel that my experience has enabled me to have more empathy and understanding of others with similar problems.  I have a better capacity for helping others, especially with brain trauma.

I intend on becoming more and more involved with brain trauma and its recovery through Pilates. In fact, I enjoyed giving a  talk on my research at the PMA convention in Las  last November with  of physical therapist and Pilates instructor Sherri Betz from Santa Cruz, Calif.

I have traveled to Europe twice, and am looking forward to a spring trip to Ireland, my dear mother’s ancestors’ homeland.  Ten years ago I promised to take her to Ireland.  Unfortunately, she passed away before I could keep that promise.  But now, I intend to keep our promise, and know she will be with me then, as she was during this ordeal.  Although she passed away in 2002, I know that I would not have recovered if it were not for the lessons of faith passed on from her, and the life movements I have learned from Pilates. 

I want to thank my wonderful teachers, my fabulous family, generous friends, and God for successfully seeing me through this life experience.